16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize