I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
