You made me cry and you don't even care
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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