I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
