I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
