Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
