I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She told me I should be a condom model.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize