break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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