new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
