I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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