My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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