look no pants
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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