It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
