My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
