Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
