Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish you could order shots online.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
