i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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