mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
