just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
