Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
As shirtless as possible
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
