Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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