i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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