Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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