There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bring me that man meat
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
