Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
