Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
