she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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