WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
