Farmville is her only friend.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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