We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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