You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
