Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
