i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
