I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
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I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
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The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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