Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
