just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
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2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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