why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize