that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
