Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
