Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
