I think I won the penis lottery.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
