I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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