too bad you live with your parents still
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
