It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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