Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
