You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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