who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
