I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Barsexuality is the new black.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
