He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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