my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
