Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
