he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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