I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
