shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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