Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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