How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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