I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
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Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
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SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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