this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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