well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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