So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
